Today is the day I have been wanting to avoid. Today is the day that family, and countless friends, of Ivan, have to lay his body to rest. We have to say our final goodbyes. I don't think his death has really sunk in just yet. The reality of it all just hasn't hit. I mean, I know he's gone but seeing him laying there is going to make it more real. I don't know if that makes a lot of sense, but it's the best way I can describe my feelings right now.
Every time I think about how I won't see his smiling face, that I won't hear his happy voice, that I won't see him playing with his kids, makes me tear up. When I drive by somewhere we went together, I cry. But, I also remember the good memory I have of him. He truly was an amazing person. Loved by so many.
Today is not going to be easy. When I am with all of those people that loved and cared for him, my heart is going to break all over again. When my eyes see those beautiful children, who have no idea what is going on, my heart is going to break even more. I am going to try to be strong, to not fall apart too much. It is going to be hard to accomplish this but, the Lord is with me. And with Christ ALL things ARE possible. He is the ONLY one who can fill that void in a person's heart. I hope that all the people there know that. I hope that Ivan knew that.
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