I'm sitting here, staring at a blank page. Sure, I'm typing words now but it's still blank. Empty really. Lately, I have felt withdrawn. Certainly not empty because I the Lord, my God is with me. Just withdrawn. I remember back a few years ago, life was different. I was in a different season then. I had 2 young boys and 1 baby boy. We were a one car family, and my husband had to be at work at 6am. So, we were stuck home during the day. Not so bad really, but at the time it was a bit nerve-racking. But, life seemed simpler then. Quieter, easier.
Now, I know that wasn't really the case. My house has rarely ever been quiet with all of these boys running around. I'm just romanticizing the past. These days though, it really does feel like that's how it was. Because now I have 3 big boys running around the house and 1 little girl trying to keep up with them (and one resting until the Lord comes). And with these dear children that the Lord has blessed me with life is busy. We have play-dates, appointments, and classes to get to. Not to mention our home-school assignments to complete. With all of this I still need to find the time to keep up with my home business that I enjoy so much.
Time for 'me' is few and far between. But that doesn't really bother me. The Lord has always been good to me. Everyday He makes me new. I can't comprehend how He does this though. How graceful He is to me each and every day because I know I am not that graceful. How can He continue to love me, and show me grace, when I am so unworthy of it all? I am at awe every time I think about it. At awe, and very, very thankful.
Every day it is my prayer to be just as graceful to others, as He is to me. Graceful to the ones that God has put in my charge. Isn't it sad that the ones so close and dear to us are the ones that seem to get less grace? Why is is so hard to be graceful to our loved ones? Maybe it is because we are with them each and every day. Maybe because we see all of their faults continually. Even if this is true, it certainly doesn't make it okay. Jesus sees us as we are, each and every day. yet, He still gives us grace. He still loves us. Amazing. Simply amazing.
I want to have this kind of grace to others. Is it possible?
The answer, of course, is yes! We can have this kind of grace but only through our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit dwells in us. We are to let Him be in complete control of ourselves. If we let Him live in us, He will shine through us. Any time we are graceful, it is because we are letting Him shine through. Anytime we are not graceful, it is because we ourselves are coming through. The light is not there. Just our dirty, sinful selves.
Oh that it wouldn't be that way! I want to be immersed in His love so that He just pours forth from me. I don't want people to see Ellen. I want people to see Jesus. Isn't that the way it is supposed to be? The only way I can gain this, is to be fully immersed in His Word daily, hourly. It seems impossible but I know that it is not. I know that with Christ ALL things are possible. We can be perfect but only through Him can it be true. By ourselves we can achieve nothing.
In this season of my life, I can finally accept this. Even through all of the busyness. I can make the time to ask Him for His help in giving grace, to ask for His light to shine forth from me in all things. Especially at home, where He has called me to be. This is where I struggle. Daily. Hourly. Who says I can't take a moment every hour to stop what I am doing, and ask Him for help? Certainly not God. The only one who says I can't is Satan. It's only when I give him a foothold in my life that I can not attain this.
For me, right now, I choose to NOT give him that foothold any more. I will pray without ceasing. I will do this because my family is more important to me. My love for Jesus is more important. I have the good news that God has already won. Jesus has already won. He triumphed on the cross of Calvary. He is returning very soon. We can see all of the prophecies being fulfilled right in front of our eyes. I don't know about you but I am going to wake up. Because I know that:
"wide [is] the gate, and broad [is] the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait [is] the gate, and narrow [is] the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it." Matthew 7:13 & 14
*Just a note: This post started out going in one direction and took a turn somewhere. But isn't that the best way? To have your own thought, and then the Holy Spirit takes over and brings you somewhere even better? I certainly think so!